Bagira
Dead Vacuumist From: Spb
Registered: 29-01-2004
Posts: 219
Ohh, for heaven's sake! No death now, especially mental one. I started reading 'Veronica Decides To Die' by Paulo Coelho now. So what you said in here, is close to what I am reading. However, strange as it seems, I don't really feel any connection with this book.
Aha! It's 'cause I don't like Paulo Coelho!! No, really, I wouldn't recommend this 'masterpiece' those, who feel downhearted.
About the diaries... My friend IM told me today that she'd thought the same and burned them! So... make your choices!
But then, back to what this forum is devoted to. What I'm thinking about today...
Listening to Vacuum now is sort of weird, because the music absolutely doesn't match the spring and my mood. However, I couldn't listen to it even half a year ago, because it would hurt. Now I understand what it is - to listen and accept, but not 'be there'. When you are, it's a totally different matter. Then, from the side, you can analyse and sort out miscellaneous colours of emotions. When you're 'in', it's mostly pain and nothing else. You perceive music in another way.
Before I felt, not understood. Today I understand more than feel, what can't but make me optimistic. Started breathing and healing? Hm, not hopeless!!
Anyways, this state of mind is all better. At least makes me think, not scream inside.
Bla-bla-bla... LOL
Perhaps... It's winter again... I'll cry. It is said that this snow will be lying here for a week, no less. Ugly! Someone, help me out, I hate this winter by now!
Remember, Breathe, you wanted snow for your birthday?? Well, as much you wanted it back then, just as much I want it to vanish away!
Okay... Tomorrow I'll feel like erasing this post. Or maybe, the day after tomorrow... Ha! That's the way it goes!
Last edited by Bagira (08-05-2005 16:59)
_______________________________________ I've locked my heart, I'll keep my feelings there I've stocked my heart with icy, frigid air And I mean to care for no one Because I'm through with love
Hello! How are you...? It's May now, the snow should be gone, far away. Not to come back in 5-6 moths, allot can happen in that time.
It's harder to erase what you've written than it seems, thus what you wrote might need to be seen, and you might need it to be up, where ever it might be. And even if you don't want it to be.
The weirdness of Vacuum will change though, you kind of said it yourself, in different moods you listen to it in a different way... Can you really explain that matter in any other way?
Oh, books... A funny way to leave yourself on this earth but still be burned and forgotten, then found mentioned somewhere and no-one will know what you said or did, for the sake of an author books are not to be burned. But really, why do we keep all of the old stuff? Would they do the same? This never ending thinking make me think on how we humans always strive to have something lasting forever. I wish us luck.
I migh be going to Japan next year, or not might, if Dir en grey have a concert then, which I almost can assure you they will have, I'm going. Life is quite bright at the moment... I hope yours is bright too, take care. I hope this didn't seem to much in a rush, casue I'm not...
_______________________________________ Counting the scattered flowers, this pain that has started to ache again...
Unforgiven - BLOOD
01-05-2005 08:14
Bagira
Dead Vacuumist From: Spb
Registered: 29-01-2004
Posts: 219
Heeey!
You've come at last! Well, you're right! The snow's gone, but not long ago and the weather here is not bright at all...
It might be that it's true: you cannot erase everything, but you can always try to forget some things instead... I am making quite a progress at it. Though I am sure, some things will remain both on paper (or in the Internet) and in my mind. A few things are impossible to erase, others will always occupy a part of my memories, because I want them to be there.
Well, about music. Sometimes you're just tired... Then everything you listen will lead you to sadness. In this case you just need to have a good sleep. Sometimes you can listen and feel comfortable, when the music reflects what you think. From time to time it can also make you feel inspired or optimistic. I am influenced by lyrics more than by anything else. Actually, I might like any song, if there's meaning in it. And so, a different style of music.
About Vacuum: well, you change, your point of view or attitude changes. You get over some things, start to be afraid of something new. You can also suddenly guess about something you'd never thought would be there. So it sounds different.
Hm, we're not eternal, like stars in the sky (though they explode too, but at least their life's closer to eternity), so it's very natural to think about what will be left after you, because everyone wants to be (or at least to feel important). I suppose, it's partially because of the feeling of importance we fall in love.
Thanks, Breathe! Hope, you'll manage to get to the concert. Sometimes it can be a real fun.
I am in a little rush though. Right now I just said what's been on my mind, since you gave me some clues. But I gotta go now. Do some stuff here and there and then go and watch a movie or something. I have watched 'Sahara' at the cinema today. Was sort of fun. IM liked it loads.
See you here anyway! Cooome back! PS: How're you doing at school?
_______________________________________ I've locked my heart, I'll keep my feelings there I've stocked my heart with icy, frigid air And I mean to care for no one Because I'm through with love
Bagira
Dead Vacuumist From: Spb
Registered: 29-01-2004
Posts: 219
Heya, Breathe! You have been away for along time already. Where're you?? (Searches everywhere)
Ugh, I have successfully caught a cold, must be somewhere at my job... So I am feeling really unwell. Uff, hate being sick, but I rarely get ill. (Knocks on the wood) How about you? I DO hope, you're fine! And I wish you to be!!
Oic! I have read the news abt the new single only here... Well, a good thing to hear!
Hm, it's May already. My favourite month of all. At least I have very good and positive feelings connected with it. Don't know why though... Nothing really happened then.
I also start thinking that I'll manage to come to Stockholm this summer, as usual. Takes a lot of money and some time, but that's where I rest with my soul, so it'll hopefully be a great holiday, as always. But then I have to check out Geneva. Mmmm... Maybe I'll like it there too... However, I am oh so looking forward to meeting you in Stockholm!
Hey, by the way! I have my new American friend coming on the 17-th. Hi-hi! I hope, we'll like each other! Have never seen her, she simply was directed to us and we agreed to accept her staying. I wonder what it's gonna be like!
Will stay at home for tomorrow, but then gotta go do my teaching lessons; that always brings only positive emotions to me. So, maybe, I'll recover soon! See you here!
:Off to listening to Whitney Houston:
PS And... Come here more often. Pleeeeeeeeease! LOL Am I like... talking to myself, eh?
Last edited by Bagira (04-05-2005 15:12)
_______________________________________ I've locked my heart, I'll keep my feelings there I've stocked my heart with icy, frigid air And I mean to care for no one Because I'm through with love
Well, talking to yourself makes one smarter! (at times)
The new single, yeah, I look forward to it ^^ Though unless I missed a quite gigantic detail, I've already heard that song...! (listening to lame music is making me sloooow) Oh, and going on Sthlm, don't come week 31 or 30! casue one of those I'll be on Gottland! (Or I am suposed to be...) But it'll be fun to meet you! Though a question just hit: What will we do? Skip around town? Attack some coffee-house? (but coffee is not liked on my side) What will we do...? Quite early to think about, but the subject will be mentioned...
A qusetion I would like someone to think about, it's a halfly stupid one and not too serious: But, does the net have a limit? Will it end? Nobody have told me... So I don't know!
If something never ends, how could it start? What was before the begining, what made the begining? How come there was a begining? What is it made of if it never dies? And the qusetions keep on... I'm just not going to write them.
I hope you friend will like it there, and that you'll like each other! It's the 12:th today, not? Not much laft to wait. Nervous?
I'm pretty fine, not too up not too down, somewhere on the middle of up I think. Just thinking though. >_< . I walked out of music class today, our teacher played some loveish/I-miss-you-songs, couldn't handle it... I miss Johanna. Hanna walked after me, and we walked through the corridor, and I swear, so many looks! Every time I said "God, I feel so ego for doing it, I miss her so much, I just want to hold her and tell her I love her" people stared at me! And sure, it does sound like I'm inlove with the girl or something, but I'm not... just love. Lots of it. Freakishly much of it... but you know, if I wasn't so scared for touching her, and she wasn't a homophob (can't spell!), yeah, I'd go for her! I love her, and if it was in some other time sure, I already knew it. But yet, I don't want her that way- I love her I do, and if the circumstances would be different I know we would be closer. We always had that thing... Not a couple on all its levels but closer.
I make no sense, do I?
But Bagira, get well! it's not too good to be sick ^^ Take care, a'ight?
_______________________________________ Counting the scattered flowers, this pain that has started to ache again...
Unforgiven - BLOOD
12-05-2005 15:33
Bagira
Dead Vacuumist From: Spb
Registered: 29-01-2004
Posts: 219
Brrrrrreeeeaaaaathe! Hello, baby! Thought you'd never come again! I am fine, recovered a few days ago. Ready to to hit waves now!
Yeah, like in that joke: 'Why not talk to such a clever person, as myself? ' LOL
Ehm, the 30-th or 31-rst of any summer month?? Brrrr... Wicked. I don't really know what we're supposed to do, but you don't like drinking coffee, right? Hm, then we can drink tea! How about that? Well, we might go hang around the city! And then you're always welcome to Spb, cause I guess, we won't be able to meet earlier than this summer.
Mmmm, as to the Net. It'll all be over when everything left in the Web are SPAM and viruses. If talking about the end... Naturally, we use less than, I suppose, 1 percent of the Net, so... Like a galaxy. And what, do you think that one day you might find a page where it'll be written in capital letters - 'WELCOME TO THE END OF THE WEB'?? He-he.
Did you know that you're a philosopher?
Nope, not really nervous. Not yet! But I'll have to do loads of things before that crucial moment.
Hmmmm... I know what you're talking about. I had one friend, so she had all that attraction in her. She was my best friend anyways. Neither I, nor her should have said a word for us to understand each other. She's sort of... hm... with a girl now. Well, a long story! But so what? It makes perfect sense, Breathe! I always hug IM. She's my best friend by all means! You just have to separate your real physical attraction from the true friendship.
I presume, there's no need to take it further. What an intimate topic!
You know what? YOU need a boyfriend! LOL The sooner the better! I mean it. You need love.
And... hey, don't be sad, we all go through the motions. I am one hundred percent sure there's someone for you too. And it's not your best friend! LOL With Swedish cute guys... I thought I'd wring my own neck just looking at your men!
Be a good girl! Krrrraaam!
Last edited by Bagira (12-05-2005 17:00)
_______________________________________ I've locked my heart, I'll keep my feelings there I've stocked my heart with icy, frigid air And I mean to care for no one Because I'm through with love
Bagira, for what is love? Thus it only hurts me. And I want it to end. Really badly. I can't handle my tears anymore, losing a friend is awful. She only seems to be living dead.
You know, I do long for love. For happy love, soothing love. Ever lasting... But I'm 15, I have a long road left. And pain hurts. I'm already afraid of it.
It'll soon be summer, soon we'll meet! Somewhere along the streets of Sthlm. Hopefully a sunny day... My mood is at the moment matching the weather. I love rain, and a few moments ago it was pouring. But now, it's snowing.
Well, one day someone will meet the end of the web. Wonder how it'll show...
Philosopher? Guess I was born one then, always been a thinker... And of what I've seen, you think allot too! I wonder how it is to have a quiet head? Don't want to try it though.
How come I only see the ugly guys then? It's not often a swedish guy gets my attention only by his looks. Heck, one's more boring then the other one!
Do you remember this song called "more and more" by La Bouche? It's a good one. And a thing I've been meant to ask you for a while now: Had you fixed msn? (odd sentence...) if so, I want it! (I think... O___o) It's good that you're alive! ^^
Hugs in tons! And thank you!
_______________________________________ Counting the scattered flowers, this pain that has started to ache again...
Why do I sound so depressive? Live has its ups and downs. It truly is a dance on roses, at times it hurts. The option of not being hurt by the rose would be an off-peeled flower, grown by overprotective bastards. Not natrual. A nice thought, but not real.
- Now guess my favvie flower...? o__O Red too.
Well well, see you soon? Take care!
A thing just hit me: It's the 17th!! Have you meet her yet...? (You prob have while reading this) Hope it'll go good! =)
Last edited by Breathe (17-05-2005 10:44)
_______________________________________ Counting the scattered flowers, this pain that has started to ache again...
Unforgiven - BLOOD
17-05-2005 10:42
Bagira
Dead Vacuumist From: Spb
Registered: 29-01-2004
Posts: 219
Heya, Breathe!
Yeah, love hurts. Just like 'Nazareth' sings. But so what? Then without the pain there'll be no happiness. But I am twenty, and I have already been taught not to believe people, 'cause I hit a wall everytime I try to find some comforting and my own happiness. Maybe you won't happen to make my mistakes! You are fifteen!
Mmmmmm! Stockholm. Does it really still snow there? Would love to see!
Baby, my MSN is always at your service!
I like your thought about the dance on roses! There's something in it, you know! Good association.
Hm, nope, my future friend has not arrived yet. Visit postponed for 4 or 5 days. Not yet!
Hey, depressive can be a state of mind. It's okay, spring is here. At least...
HUG YOU!!!!! I really did nothing for you, so no need to thank me.
_______________________________________ I've locked my heart, I'll keep my feelings there I've stocked my heart with icy, frigid air And I mean to care for no one Because I'm through with love
It's official, I can't keep a promise to answer people. I just can't, I mean, I go here like, now and then, and I still haven't answered dudes mail... and he was sorry for not writing in forever too... I guess we match each other. Summer soon! Gotta love it!
Oh yes, it snowed! And ALLOT! it was like, 1-2 dm!!! IN MAY!!! The weather IS schizophrenic.
I tend to thank at odd times sometimes, I guess you can look at it that way... but I'm still saying it.
Roses, it's funny how allot of people actually compare life to one, it just fits. But yet again I don't remember being told by anyone about it before I came to the conclusion on my own, and after that it dawned, it went a while and I realized it's common. I wonder though how manny that actually take it further then just "Roses can sting too". You know, I've just found a new band I like, they are pretty new, and their drummer is called "Rose". I like that combination! Thus I have always loved drums. It's just a stage-name though, it kind of makes it better. ^^
But how is it going with your 'future friend'? Say what you want but it sounds! ^^ Should have arrived now... Could I have your msn...? I'll steal it from your profile if it's there!
SUMMERBREAK!!! And I'm going to see BLOOD and Nightwish! *does happy dance* Nightwish in gbg though... Your rock! Keep that in mind!
Kraaam! ^___^
_______________________________________ Counting the scattered flowers, this pain that has started to ache again...
Unforgiven - BLOOD
25-05-2005 09:38
Bagira
Dead Vacuumist From: Spb
Registered: 29-01-2004
Posts: 219
Breeeeeeeathe! Heya!
It's fine that you don't call in on here that often. We all forget stuff.
Yeah, the summer... It's gotta be SOMETHING! But it's already summer here! My American friend keeps wondering if the weather's always that bright. He... Yeah, and then we'll be having snow in the middle of June! We had once!
Ohhh, mine! I have 201 post, this is gonna be the 202-nd. I gave a solemn promise not to get it over 200... Dunno what to do now...
My friend's fine, thanks! Cooked her the pel'meni just now. She liked! She's from Colorado. Speaks totally American language. As I speak English, we sometimes don't understand each other. LOL She has these handsome guys coming with her. Americans, but not native - one's from Poland and lives in Washington DC, another one is from Colorado, too, but I'd say he looks not that American. Sort'a reminded me a Swede a little.
The guys are cool, we'll go and have some dinner altogether sometime.
My MSN is in the Profile and I have a hotmail.com address. I'll be waiting for you to get in touch with me!
And yes, Nightwish rocks! I like their 'Sleeping Sun' a lot! *Envy you a bit!*
Krrrraaammm!
Last edited by Bagira (25-05-2005 17:20)
_______________________________________ I've locked my heart, I'll keep my feelings there I've stocked my heart with icy, frigid air And I mean to care for no one Because I'm through with love
Bagira
Dead Vacuumist From: Spb
Registered: 29-01-2004
Posts: 219
Our city's celebrating its birthday these warm spring days! I am so excited about it!
_______________________________________ I've locked my heart, I'll keep my feelings there I've stocked my heart with icy, frigid air And I mean to care for no one Because I'm through with love
Bagira
Dead Vacuumist From: Spb
Registered: 29-01-2004
Posts: 219
Thank you for your yesterdays' PM, Breathe! I nearly cried when I read that. Means a lot to me. Don't disappear. We have to meet by all means!
_______________________________________ I've locked my heart, I'll keep my feelings there I've stocked my heart with icy, frigid air And I mean to care for no one Because I'm through with love
No need to cry, I'm hard to get rid of! And your on my msn list!
We'll talk soon, 'k?
Take care!
... what's "pel'meni"...? *nyfiken* And don't make such weird promises! ^^ Hugs to 'ya! ^___^
_______________________________________ Counting the scattered flowers, this pain that has started to ache again...
Unforgiven - BLOOD
13-06-2005 19:37
Bagira
Dead Vacuumist From: Spb
Registered: 29-01-2004
Posts: 219
Heya, Breathe!
'Pel'meni' is a traditional Russian dish. Well, it originally came from another culture. But it is very good.
Brrrrrreathe, where're you?? You don't appear to be on-line for the last days. Be back!!
_______________________________________ I've locked my heart, I'll keep my feelings there I've stocked my heart with icy, frigid air And I mean to care for no one Because I'm through with love
No, really, I wouldn't recommend this 'masterpiece' those, who feel downhearted.
It is said that this snow will be lying here for a week, no less. Ugly! Someone, help me out, I hate this winter by now!
Hope, you'll manage to get to the concert. Sometimes it can be a real fun. 
She's my best friend by all means! 
I thought I'd wring my own neck just looking at your men! 
I wonder how it is to have a quiet head? Don't want to try it though.
And thank you!
Say what you want but it sounds! ^^ Should have arrived now... Could I have your msn...? I'll steal it from your profile if it's there! 